If Macgyver made martinis…

This is how he’d do it.

When my friend arrived home with two bottles of wine and a bottle of vodka, vermouth and olives, it was clear what needed to be done. (As this is not my Kraftworkin’ compatriot, but my roommate, we have simultaneous postings of these instructions, as they are important to share and inspire.) Her blog is here. It’s kinda different and not for the faint of heart. Yeah.


Step 1: Use the internets to find dirty martini recipe, since you usually only order, you don’t cook. Or mix, as it were.

Step 2: Assemble utensils and ingredients. Note: When one lacks proper acoutrements, such as martini glasses, cocktail shaker, and umm, ice, certain provisions must be made. Like Macgyver, you use what you have. In this case, we used plastic cups and shooters from our own New England Aquarium, along with the wine glasses gifted by my mother.

Step 3: Choose your vodka carefully. We like the russian “blend” known as Hammer & Sickle while listening to “Rasputin” by Boney M.

Some lyrics:

Lover of the Russian queen
They put some poison into his wine
Russia’s greatest love machine
He drank it all and he said “I feel fine””

Step 4: Combine 3 parts vodka to one part vermouth and one part olive brine. Perchaps add more vodka if you are so inclined.

Step 5: When you realize you have no ice, do what Macgyver would do, and put it in a plastic cup in your freezer.

INTERLUDE: Moment of genius. You realize you have a pre-iced Red Sox freezie mug. Transfer contents of cup to mug without spilling. Replace in freezer. Wait.

Step 5: I mean, step 6.

Step 6: Place olives in wine glasses. We like 5, but you can add as as many as you desire. Let your creativity flow.

Step 7: When properly chilled, tranfer dirty martini mix to ziplock tupperware. As it has a screw top, it is optimal for the “shaking” aspect. Of course, if truly desparate, we envision one could even use a ziploc bag. If you prefer stirred martinis, your task is much simpler. But we don’t skimp. Every step is needed.

Step 8: Final assembly. Try not to spill.

Enjoy responsibly.

That means no drunk dialing or texting.

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